What is grace? A simple definition would be, “undeserved favor.” That contrasts with mercy, “not receiving deserved punishment.” God’s grace is well documented in Scripture – man’s grace, not so much. Perhaps that’s because we use Scripture to see what grace looks like from His perspective. Jesus on the cross is likely the greatest example of both God’s grace and His mercy towards humans. We, not Jesus (God and man, for a time), should have died as consequences of our own sins. In this article, let’s look at ourselves as both givers and receivers of grace.
Grace Givers
We have ample opportunities to be givers of grace, among our families and close friends. The examples are numerous, but many fit this stratagem: not “fixing” someone with the good advice of how to be, look like, etc. oneself. Easier said than done – we have lived with our own background, culture and experience our entire lives. Many of us were into double digit ages before we realized we weren’t the definition of “normal.” A graceful life requires more work than the analogy on a dance floor.
We can take a tip from the coaching world on how to avoid fixing others. If we’re in the “fixing” mode, we’re giving someone advice on how to be “better.” The problem is that if the advice fails, the advice giver owns the failure and the relationship is likely not improved. However, if the grace giver coaches a person to recognize both an issue and some steps toward its resolution, then the grace recipient is on the way towards some, if not all, elements of a potential solution.
There appears to be a significant correlation between one’s degree of undiminished expectations for an individual with how well one knows them. That puts family on target and one’s spouse likely in the “bulls eye.” What’s wrong with this picture? One shouldn’t be the hardest on those one spends/has spent the most time with (and loves the most). One clue – a lack of grace – is clearly the quality of those relationships, developed over time. Long term relationships lead to expectations for (among) the person(s) in that relationship, whether good or bad. If the relationship is good, the ungraceful behavior is even more puzzling – in fact, it makes no sense. Is it some bizarre offshoot of “misery loves company?” I’m annoyed, so I’m going to be annoying. My problem has been, that I haven’t recognized this disappointing behavior, until recently – also a puzzlement.
Ageing Gracefully
There is an aspect of ageing gracefully that I have found, relatively recently, that I did not expect. Prior to that time, I guess I thought an older, kinder, gentler me was going to evolve, spontaneously. Well, that didn’t happen. I realized I had to make conscious efforts to “allow” people (foremost, my wife) to live out (the rest of) their lives without any (more) fixing from me! Not an easy task for someone whose education and career were all about solving (fixing) problems.
There is a time component to maturity and a source issue with wisdom, but both help with the self-awareness that one needs to anticipate unexpected behaviors and respond to them with the “extra grace required” to be consistent with the value of that relationship. Both the old adage, “count to ten” before reacting, and the Biblical admonition , “… if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things (Philippians 4:8b),” are good advice regarding thinking before speaking harmfully. Hopefully, more graceful relationships with loved ones will carry over into relationships with everyone. You can read more about the impact of grace on relationships in Existence.
Receiving Grace
Receiving grace can be like being forgiven – for some, it may not be as easy as it sounds. For them, getting a gift, “out of the blue” can be uncomfortable – they wonder, “…do I need to reciprocate? If so, what do I do?” It may be less complicated to just not take the gift. Today, I’m sure the “free gift” that “Madison Avenue” offers makes most of us suspicious. Couple that with what we hear in the media, without knowing who or what to believe, and receiving grace begins to look more like “sucker.” But what about our thoughts? We’re inundated with those generated from visible and audible info-bites. Should we let the messages some of them convey sour our attitudes toward grace, both in general and specifically towards those who generate the messages and/or deliver them?
Hopefully, we can all see that the relationship between the giver and receiver of grace is key. If we invest a bit more time in getting to know a family member, neighbor, employee, boss, coworker, etc., the outpouring of grace among us can be truly amazing. Find someone anew, befriend them, if they are not one already, and listen to their story. Engage the conversation, trying to assess their and/or your hopes and needs for grace. Struggling to receive grace can produce the self-disappointment that results from treating others badly? It can be a weight that drowns one’s hopes of “finishing strong.” The apostle Paul relates help to us in this struggle: “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).”
Conclusion
Those of us who have received the grace of the Cross and now follow Jesus are the recipients of His completed work. We need the above cited strength to complete our part. That part is found in the plans the Creator of the universe, in whose image we have been formed, set out for each person who chooses to follow Him .
The same Creator has called us to love our neighbors, i.e., everyone – we don’t have to love what they say or do, but we must love them for they, too, are His image bearers! We are to gracefully yet passionately, share the benefits of living out both an ongoing and eternal relationship with Him in a future certain, perfect place . Moreover, since He designed us with a purpose , let’s be graceful stewards of His plans.
