Do we find ourselves surrounded more by forgiveness or resentment? One does not have to look far to see signs of a world dominated by resentment. The network evening national editorials (reporting the news vanished long ago) on all “sides” often carry a big stick. Do we have an appetite for bad news, springing from some innate satisfaction that it’s not happening to us directly? Why do we only get a snippet of good news at the end of some of the network broadcasts? Perhaps, “no news is good news” is the norm. Let’s look a little deeper.
Standards
To forgive (someone for) something implies that one has a standard, a value for right or wrong, good or evil. I’ve discussed many aspects of these in Existence. For each individual, that standard will be a component of one’s worldview, which is, to reiterate, that framework of one’s background, culture, and experience that determines their behavior. But whatever the standard, one will find some behavior or something that falls on the wrong side of that standard. The response to that real or perceived errant occurrence has consequences for both the perpetrator and the one affected by his action.
If I am negatively impacted by some (one’s) action, at the extremes, I can either “let-it-go” or get angry. The former is not necessarily forgiveness. I can dismiss the action as stupid, irrelevant, etc., without any conscious effort to understand or at least rationalize its possible causes. If that is the case, that action is still “stuck” in somewhere in my soul (mind, will, and emotion). There it can fester into all kinds of unpleasantries. I think one can see how a buildup in the soul of such occurrences could lead to depression, anger, violent outbursts, etc.
Winners and Losers
In truly forgiving an action that has negatively impacted me, almost by definition, I carry no baggage from it. Is forgiving easy? Not always. Some conscious effort to examine the offense to one’s soul is necessary. Without it, one can slide into periods of distress, even when the offense is not that big a deal. The Marines have an acronym, F.I.D.O. – some translations more colorful than others – which captures the idea: forget it and drive on. Put those negatively impacting items behind oneself. Get on with a better life. Said another way, don’t let bad events rob one of one’s joie de vivre. The effects can be cumulative – disastrous.
The other winner in forgiving is (are) the perpetrator(s) of that “bad” behavior. That (those) person(s), when forgiveness has been communicated, if open and not defensive, is (are) likely going respond, “I wasn’t expecting that” or “I didn’t realize it (my action) would have that effect”. Either way, the relationship(s) will stay neutral, if they are not improved, by both the joy of being forgiven and the joy of forgiving, AND the realization, on the part of the perpetrator, that perhaps they did something to someone that they didn’t, at the time, think or care would be offensive.
An Example of Forgiveness
On a personal note, years ago I harshly criticized a colleague from a different department, in front of our management. At the time, I felt the criticism was justified. A few years later, with a new (Biblical) worldview, I realized I had acted “poorly” – that my criticism was probably more about turf than substance. But regardless, I knew I had to make amends. I sought him out and apologized for my bad, past behavior. He said my apology was not necessary. It was not a big deal and added that everything was fine. It felt like a burden, perhaps more subconscious than not, had been lifted – I hope he felt some unspoken sense of relief as well.
I may have too briefly passed over the joy gained by the one who forgives. I think it is analogous to grace, which is often easier to receive than to give. Who isn’t happy to see the peace, and often relief, with which forgiveness (grace) is received? From within my Biblical worldview, the ultimate forgiver and giver of grace is the Lord and Creator of our universe. He promises, to those who believe in Him, “If we confess our sins (to Him), He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9), and in turn, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 4:13).
Take Action
God delights in showing mercy (“I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent”; Luke 15:7). We can tap into that joy if we let Him help us with our worldview and approach to offense. “Therefore, as you have received Christ, so walk in Him…overflowing with gratitude” (Colossians 2:6-7).
We receive the salvation won for us through the cross and resurrection by receiving the gift of forgiveness and believing “it (sin) is finished” (John 19:30). To continue to “walk in” what we have received implies that it is not just a one-time thing, but a continuation of attitude and action. We can walk in gratitude and forgiveness, sharing it with others. If you’re struggling with malaise induced by an unforgiving heart, check out His forgiveness — rest, hope, peace, and joy await!
